Harvey Hamberg – All the Moon’s a Stage

For the record, my name’s Harvey Hamberg — you might’ve heard of me — former film producer and the founder of Stargaze Studios. Now I know what you’re all thinking: why now? Well, why not? The fact of the matter is I feared for my own safety for a real long time. This thing went all the way to the top. The administration. The President of the United States. Nixon was in office at the time, but it was JFK who wanted to put a man on the moon. Well, let me tell ya, those kinds of dreams cost lives.

There were dozens of deaths related to the Apollo program. Several pilots were killed beforehand, mostly on test flights, but more accidents happened after we staged the landing. Car crashes were all too common. Look at the victims: aeronautical engineers, politicians, members of the film crew. At the end of the day, they had to keep a lid on that thing, they couldn’t risk a secret of that size getting out.

They asked me to produce. All I was told about the project was that it was classified. To tell you the truth, I was excited, and I brought in a brilliant director to help realise their vision — and no, it wasn’t Kubrick, so keep on guessing. Anyway, the Apollo Eleven moon landing was a hoax. It was staged. The whole thing was pre-recorded.

NASA took care of all the technical data, telemetry tapes, radio transmissions, shit like that, while I was responsible for the footage, the photographs, the script. Yeah, there was a script. You don’t seriously believe Armstrong came up with that line all by himself? I hired an Oscar-winning screenwriter. They were real astronauts, don’t get me wrong, but they were on a set. We shot at Stargaze Studios in West Hollywood. A good friend of mine worked on the props. I sent him all the way to Antarctica to find some meteorites that would pass as moon rock. We had to make it look realistic — that was the key to the whole thing.

Honestly, I can’t believe we got away with the photos. Have you seen them? Crosshairs pasted behind objects. We used the same background for two different pictures taken miles apart — I mean talk about amateur hour. And don’t get me started on the stars, or lack thereof, because I had them edited out. They looked too tacky. That was a big point of contention for all the conspiracy theorists out there. Some NASA scientists — who were in on the deal by the way — said stars would not have been visible due to it being lunar daytime. Most people bought that. Hell, even I bought that, and I was in on the whole production.

Am I proud of it? Well, the moon landing had half a billion viewers, so in that respect, it was my biggest blockbuster, and it made me a ton of money. I make no apologies for saying that. Don’t ask me why they did it because I knew better than to ask. Maybe they wanted to win the space race. Maybe they wanted to distract Americans from the war going on in Vietnam. I don’t know and I honestly don’t care. Anyway, I’m signing off now, and you might not hear from me again.

What did you think?